I wish you could see what I am seeing now mama
I thought of how you would react
And a teary smile escapes my eyes
The sweat you put into this child
As paid off in many colourful journeys
I hear your voice on the other side of the line
It has been a silly habit that I call to lift your spirit from this far
I think of how I will savour every detail
And later re live the experience with you over a betel nut conversation
The pictures I take are still now.
But soon they will come alive too
I am a story teller
I am a time traveller
It is magical that I wonder alone into the world but your spirit follows me everywhere.
My brown skin and scarred body will tell of how I came to be
You were with me, in the strangers I glanced.
You were with me, in the shopping spree sis.
You were with me in the little babe cooing.
It is not much fun without you
My days full and busy as I try to impress the world of what little I have accumulated
If you were here you would be proud regardless of how broken my English is.
I failed to tell you the endless colourful journeys papa
The distance sets me apart, but the voice on the record playing was yours all along.
I grieve my loss in a stranger’s land and hope the ancestors
of this great southland will hear my silent heart break.
I want to give you the life you deserve
Build you a house of glass with tiles and marble floors
But I know you will ask no more of me
Love flows unconditionally from you
It is not like that in this white collar job.
I am only loved for what I can give back in return.
Sometimes I am exploited to put a show
My life exposed and fiddled with, my family separated two worlds apart.
A pat on shoulder, a firm handshake, a cheer for a job well done
Alone in my hotel room, as I nurse my tired feet
I think no one knows where my heart had been and how divided I am
Am I going to be truly free of my past and present connections?
I want to get up and run.
I want to glide down these sky scrapers.
And it doesn’t matter where I land
A cushion of memories will meet me through time and time again
I will learn to release each of the footprints I left behind.
I will welcome the small shadow that lurks beside me
For I am not alone anymore, not in this world, not in a life time.
I am a time traveller, a story teller, a Melanesian propeller to this jet flights.