Sherlock Holmes in New Guinea: Part the servants

ARTHUR CONAN KRANZ

AFTER MANY DAY of hardship, Holmes, Watson and the policeman Vex eventually made their way to the coast.

Holmes - "Vex. How do we find our way to the German colony over the seas?"

Vex - "We will have to hire some local sailors with knowledge of the reefs and passages."

Holmes - "Well please make appropriate arrangements. They will be amply rewarded. We have to meet with a planter called Howard. His family plantation is at a place I believe to be called Ulaveo."

Vex - "The boats are ready, Mr Holmes"

And so they embarked on what they hoped might be the last stage of their perilous journey halfway around the world to counter the clear and present danger to the British Empire that Holmes had deduced from a simple piece of paper.

Holmes - "Watson, we have to assume disguise as we are now entering German territory. They are ambitious to overthrow Britain, so we must be discreet. You can be Herr Adelheid, I'll take on the persona of Herr Schwanz. We are both prospective businessmen interested in the copra trade."

Watson - "All right, Holmes, whatever you say. But my German is not really up to scratch."

Holmes - "Just keep saying bitte and danke. It normally suffices"

Vex - "Holmes, I speak fluent German. Grew up with it."

Holmes - "Excellent Vex - you can pretend to be our secretary."

And so they landed at Rabaul. As it was late, they decided to stay the night at the Hamamas Hotel. They enjoyed a fine local meal of steamed fish and tropical vegetables wrapped in a banana leaf.

Watson - "Igair Holmes, this local food is rather tasty! What do you say we get Mrs Hudson onto cooking this?"

Holmes - "Alimentary good Watson. I fear her culinary talents are somewhat ethnophobic. But I wouldn't mind a taste of her excellent plum duff for afters."

After dinner they wandered into the lounge to enjoy a cigar. Seated comfortably, they had just lit up, with a post-prandial glass of brandy next to their elbows, when the room was transformed by the entry of the most beautiful woman either had ever seen.

Watson - "My God Holmes, who do you that excessively attractive young woman might be?"

Holmes - "Watson, keep your voice down. That is the most effective German agent ever employed. It is Ms Irene Adler, born of German and New Guinea parents. And she's coming to see us!"

Ms Adler sidled up to their table with a languorous look and smelling of perfume from M Dior. She took one look at Holmes and purred, "Herr Schwanz, I presume?"

Comments

[Michael Dom]

"Alimentary"?

Not a pun on too much coconut cream, I presume?

[Brian Masalai]

Oh where oh where is 'Queen Emma"? ;-)

[Ganjiki D Wayne]

Quite delighted in this Holmes New Guinea adventure...