Sherlock Holmes in New Guinea: Part d’aighth

ARTHUR CONAN KRANZ

THE AROMATIC German agent Ms Adler addressed the disguised Holmes brusquely. "Herr Schwanz? What a joke. I have your informant Planter Howard twisted around my little thumb!"

Watson - "Ma'am, with all due respect, I think you mean your little finger."

Adler - "Shut up you coward!" and Irene pulled a Luger pistol from beneath her meri blouse (the exact whereabouts of where it was concealed shall not be revealed) and pointed it straight at Holmes' forehead.

"Now you die, you British dog!"

"As you wish Ms Adler, but there is a fiercesome warrioress from a famed Simbu clan behind you with a stone axe aimed at your skull. I believe her reflexes are quicker than yours."

But a microsecond before she could fire, Inspector Vex leapt from the chair where he had been watching and forced her arm upwards. The shot went harmlessly into the ceiling, where the bullet hole can be seen to this day.

Holmes - “Good Vex, where did that fine Highlands creature appear from, and why?”

“Mr Holmes, I took the precaution of engaging some local security to help protect us as we are in dangerous German territory.  They have been tracking us for some time. They are from the infamous Geefouress tribe, trusty but of somewhat dubious reputation. They share one talk of mine.”

Holmes - "Watson, Vex - quickly, come with me. We must save Howard before it is too late. Leave Adler, she's just playing an old tune."

They rushed from the hotel and hailed the nearest horse and cart. "Hurry - to Ulaveo! There are lives at stake!"

The three got to Ulaveo just in time. "Howard! Take cover!" A burst of machine gun fire raked the homestead. "Quick Howard, out the back  Where did that fire come from?"

Planter Howard indicated the vicinity of Bita Paka. "The Huns have a secret telegraph base there about two miles hence. We must put it out of action!"

Howard - "You realise the Germans are planning to invade Australia once hostilities commence?"

Holmes - "Yes Howard. That is why we are here."

Evading German patrols, they at last found themselves outside the telegraph base, hidden by dense jungle.

Holmes - "Watson, draw your service revolver. We have need of it! If we don't take this base it will be a downer for all!"

Howard reluctantly nodded agreement as the men prepared for an assault hoping not to be peppered by gunfire.

Comments

[Peter Kranz]

Ganjiki - Google Larry Adler. And look up the meaning of Schwanz.

My first mother-in-law (bless her) fell on the floor in hysterical laughter, when she brought out a black forest cherry cake one afternoon tea.

I ignorantly attempted a few words of German. "Ah, Schwanz Kissen Torte!"

[Ganjiki D Wayne]

Geefouress tribe! I love it!

[Peter Kranz]

Maybe viewable on a smartphone too, or a Kindle?

Thank Keith for the illustrations.

But please don't call it a kranz. Maybe an Attitude?

Sounds rather cool. Better copyright that.

[Phil Fitzpatrick]

I think you may have invented a new literary form Peter. The short novel for iPad users perhaps.

A sort of cross between a comic book, a graphic novel and the standard version. The illustrations seem to be an important ingredient.

There have been moves among the literati in Oz to revitalise the short novel but perhaps this is a better option.

Given the viral nature of social media in PNG I think it could work really well. There are also some similarities to traditional oral literature in that the short-form with accompanying theatrics is (was) very popular.

I suppose we’ll have to call it a kranz?