DURING DECEMBER 2011 a few of us contributed the following piece on an online discussion board in what was an extraordinary off-the-cuff fashion.
As the main contributor, I decided to collate the 50 odd “Kon Definitions” and repost them here basically unedited. It’s a play on the tokpisin word kon.
One truth about Papua New Guinea and Papua New Guineans is that while discussing serious matters we also love to joke and have a good laugh to brighten our day.
Many times sarcasm and humour is part of communicating our feelings on important matters.
My apologies in advance for breaking English spelling and grammar rules PNG-stail!
I hope you like our Kon Template!
Kon Ajoin: self-invited bisibodi lain, who love to mauswara; begging for buai is their real motive !
Kon Atis: disla landowner-wanabe; lying trickster to be weary of; or could be that favourite uncle ?
Kon Demd: plight of most sitting MPs in 2012 !;
Kon Disen: your state: good or bad, em yu yet nau !;
Kon Dom: karamap blo baga ya! laif-saver tru tru o bagarapim sindaun blong famili?
Kon Fain : Namah/Marat/Tiensten's bail & 2 minute isolation in the Boroko cells in 2011 !
Kon Ferens : party here, party there, party everywhere to solve the nation's problems by the kon-sultants and hexperts while the victims get zero.
Kon Fes#1 : fes blo memba na intending memba;
Kon Fes#2 : taim you autim pekato lo paterr;
Kon Fidense (as in votes of no-konfidense) : the belief in the "fee" the membas are paid to "dance" across the floor of the haus tambaran and then back again!
Kon Flikt (of interest) : taim memba interested lo senisim mama blo haus wantem mama blo hotel.
Kon Fusen : current state of affairs in the Land of the Unexpected ?
Kon Eksen #1 : the usual shitifon/digicel problem;
Kon Eksen #2 : Bosmahn blong boifren blong bestie blong kasin sista blong said blong liklik mama blong mi !
Kon Gratuleisens : Mauswara from supporters of losing candidates for leftovers and handouts after your victory
Kon Kasin : high feelins afta cousin sista whacks you ova da head following one too many white cans @lamana & afta you have dumped her best friend;
Kon Kon : not just taro, but he is allowed to steal our kids’ forests !!
Kon Kod : (aka Kumul/Faulken jet) - disla private balus ya ol Namah/O'Niel lain 'hijackim' na giaman-givim long air-niugini long wokim election campaign blong ol – klostu ol Indonesia jet fighters sutim as blo en;em sindaun yet long ples long Singapore stap !
Kon Teijus : lida wokim na mi wokim ! - bihainim lida tasol long pasin blong burukim Lo na stilim publik moni;
Kon kubain : 19 year old meri namba 4 or is it namba six? Or sex !
Kon Mahn : aka member of parliament !
Kon Meri : was about to get a free seat in parliament ?;
Kon Sais : That odd Samatex sixfooter – They are normally size 28 !
Kon Saiens : the study of what most PNG pollies don't seem to have;
Kon Sensas : the agreement that counting of the population was seriously compromised;
Kon Seveisen : free plunder of our forests under the guise of oil palm development;
Kon Shitted : proud selfish memba in the hass tambaran most likely to lose his seat in the next National Election;
Kon SidaRATE : what the BPNG is not – they say the inflation rate is only around 9 percent when all signs including price hikes seem to suggest high double figures as closer to the mark !
Kon Siuma #1 (of da SP) : aka spakpes!, Typical PNG drinker ?, bagaya sa kisim wara long spak chol – does not know when to stop!
Kon Siuma#2 (of da buai) : dat amatuer chewer who neva daunim da buai spet n sprays olgeta samtin red in the city!
Kon Siuma#3 (of da junk kaikai incl.BR/KMC !) : sampla ol "obese lain" sadly many of them kids dat we see on the streets in Moresby !
Kon Spairesi : some say this aptly describes the O'Neil/Namah/Polye union before the 2012 elcetion
Kon Spikuoas : when a memba’s stinky arse-gras is on show after being caught with his fingers in da publik till but is somehow never put away to rot in jail !
Kon Soleisen : Giaman assurance from past and present leaders that they have the bols to resist millions in bribe money from Malaysian logging interests in order to ensure that our grand children know what a Rain Forest looks like !
Kon StaBol : unstable wife-bashing half-nut dressed in blue
Kon Stipeisen : impass namel lon ol judges na politisen on the eve of last election
Kon Stitusen # 1 : the bigman’s football, was/still is in krai(sis)?
Kon Stitusen # 2: Mama Law; what some Membas and der lowyas say is quaint and try to challenge, at their own peril!
Kon Tradiksen : describes the lives of most leaders;
Kon Tempt (of kot) : when da Tambaran decision-machine is forced into "reverse gear" in fear of the courts !
KonTerminate : assault on the courts and the quick NEC reversal of the CJ removal decision last year;
KonTest # 1 : an exam where the most popular kon-atist scores enough points for a seat in the Haus Tambaran;
Kon Test # 2 : (beauty kon test) an exam where strippas test drive the stiletto on the runway for the Miss wateva title;
Kon Trakt : Dis pepa yu sign with gavman (& NCDC) to collect millions in Kina for little or no work;
KonTrovesi : Namah na former Speaker Nape tok: em nomol ya !
Kon Traktor : The only one tractor that breaks down on day one after kon-man and kon-trakt money disappear.
Kon Vaseisen : disla ofis landline to digi/shitifone MAUSWARA namel lon ol wantok; em save stat lon monin na go go tutak – gavman sa baim cost !
KonVict # 1 : What the membas na ol boi na ol egl blo ol (their entourage) should be at Bombex, instead of the juveniles;
KonVict # 2 : Sampla tumbuna blo ol sampla lain stap arere lo yumi. Ol sae kam olsem "konsultants" or "kontractors"!
KonVict # 3 : bombex soap mangi
Kon Vixen: Aiyo disla rait fox-meri, hangamap nambaut long madgaun stap ! – mi gat bilip long yu, !